Was It Enough?
by starbuckfaerie21
Summary: DerekMeredith during As We Know It
1. Chapter 1

**Was it Enough?**

**A Grey's Anatomy fanfiction**

**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy is not mine and sadly neither is Patrick Dempsey.

The lyrics belong to Ashlee Simpson and possibly Train if I decide to do a second chapter.

**Pairing:** Hello! Derek/ Meredith

**Timeline: **After "As We Know It"

"_Everywhere you go is everywhere I've been,_

_You finish all my sentences before they begin,_

_And I know that look in your eyes,_

_Like I've seen you before about a million times_

_In another life, _

_In another life maybe…_

_In another life, you must have been mine."_

_-_Ashlee Simpson, "In Another Life"

Meredith Grey had a feeling. A bad feeling. She felt like she was going to die. She didn't know how and she didn't know when she just knew. But as she was standing there with her fingers wrapped around a bomb inside the body cavity of Mr. Carlson. This was how it was going to happen.

_I can't remember our last kiss._

The bomb squad guy had told her to pretend he was someone she liked. She took a deep breath and after a moment, it was Derek who was standing on the other side of the gurney.

"You can do this, Meredith."

She nodded and just before she withdrew her hand from the patient's chest, she whispered.

"George and Izzy shouldn't have to move out of the house."

"No one is dying today, Grey." She heard Burke reply.

Meredith nodded and slowly and steadily removed her hand, which was wrapped around the bomb from Mr.Carlson's chest.

_Derek, I love you._

Meredith carefully handed the device to the guy from the bomb squad and he whispered, "You did good."

The guy walked out into the corridor carrying the explosive, with Meredith a few steps behind marveling at the fact that she was still alive.

And then the bomb exploded. The corridor went dark and the impact of the blast knocked Meredith backwards off her feet. She closed her eyes and tried in vain to protect her face from the broken glass and falling plaster.

Then everything went black.

As Derek stepped off the elevator and into the chaos that the corridors of Seattle Grace had become, he thought of one thing.

_Meredith. Where the hell was Meredith?_

He scanned the crowd and spotted Richard Webber.

"Where…where is she?"

Webber met his eyes and steered him toward the end of the corridor.

Derek was about to breathe a sigh of relief.

_Meredith's alive! She's alive!_

But it was Addison, not Meredith who approached and embraced him with a look of concern on her face.

"Derek…you're okay."

He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He kissed his wife's forehead and replied absently, "I'll be right back."

After what seemed like hours of searching he came upon George O'Malley who stood peering into the locker room.

"Is she in there?"

George nodded, "Christina and Izzy are cleaning her up."

Without another word Derek walked into the locker room. He saw Yang and Stevens supporting a very dazed and bloodied Meredith as she stood under the shower.

"Let me."

Christina and Izzy looked at each other and after a moment, they shifted their brave, yet disoriented friend into Derek's arms and then left the locker room.

Derek gently removed Meredith's scrubs and stroked her hair, and held her as she leaned back under the spray to rinse the blood and debris from her face.

"You're okay, Meredith. You're okay." Derek whispered, as he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

At the sound of Derek's voice, Meredith seemed to momentarily come to her senses.

"Derek?"

"I'm right here, Meredith. You're safe, I promise."

"Derek, I…"

He knew what she was about to say. He didn't know if his face was wet from the spray or from the tears running down his face.

"I know…"

Derek turned off the shower and just held her.

"Is it enough? She whispered.

He pulled her close, kissed her forehead and inhaled the sweet familiar scent of lavender from her hair.

"No, it's not but I wish it were."


	2. Chapter 2

**Change Your Mind**

**A Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Grey's Anatomy or Patrick Dempsey. I want a McDreamy of my very own! Lyrics belong to Train.

**Pairing: **Derek/Meredith

**Timeline**: Picks up right after "Was it Enough" left off because my readers asked for it and I'm grateful for all the great reviews I've gotten. Thank you everyone!

"_And all throughout the years,_

_I've never strayed from you, my dear,_

_You suspect I'm somewhere else,_

_You're feeling sorry for yourself,_

_And even with a broken heart,_

_I love you…even still,_

_But if I can't change your mind, then no one will."_

_-Train, "Change Your Mind"_

Derek Shepard walked into the trailer that he now shared with his wife Addison to find it a mess. His brilliant wife with her perfect hair and flawless makeup stood in the center of the trailer throwing things into a suitcase.

Derek cleared his throat and Addison looked up at him with hurt and anger in her eyes.

"Where have you been?"

"At the hospital."

"Were you with Meredith?"

"Addie, a bomb exploded in her OR. I had to make sure she was all right."

"And what about _me_, Derek? Did you even stop to think that I might not be alright? I spent the night delivering Bailey's child and wondering if you were alive, and you come out and run straight to Meredith. You could have died Derek!"

"Meredith almost did, Addie! I'd never be able to forgive myself if she'd died and I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye."

Addison turned her head away from the closet where she was gathering what was left of her clothing.

"Well, luckily for you, she survived so now you won't have to. I signed the papers Derek. I'm going back to New York. We're obviously never going to get back to where we were so, you win."

"Addison, you know how I feel about Meredith. I was honest with you about that from the start."

"And you said we were going to work on our marriage. Derek, you haven't even tried…"

"_I have tried! _I gave up on the first chance I've had at a real relationship in almost a year, to try to make it work with you! And remember we wouldn't even be in this situation if you hadn't cheated."

"Derek, I've apologized for that a million times."

"And yet here we are. I'll always care about you but we're different people now. I love Meredith."

"I'm catching the red-eye back to Manhattan tonight. I hope you and Meredith are happy together."

She kissed Derek on the cheek and without another word she picked up her suitcase, got into her car and left.

Derek didn't try to stop her. It had been over between them for a long time. He just hoped it wasn't too late to salvage what he and Meredith had built together.

Meredith awoke to find herself in her own bed at the house but she couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. The last thing she remembered was the explosion at the hospital.

She thought she remembered Derek cleaning her up after the bomb went off but her mind was so muddled it could have been a dream.

_It probably was just a dream. Derek has Addison now._

Meredith thought to herself as she felt a headache coming on. Her room was dark and she dizzy as she sat up.

There was a soft knock on her bedroom door and a few moments later she heard Izzy's voice.

"Mere, someone's here to see you."

Derek waited until he saw Meredith come slowly down the stairs, wearing her Dartmouth tee shirt and a pair of scrub pants. She had a small cut across her forehead.

"You almost died today."

"Yeah, I almost died today."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"Does Addison know you're here?"

"She's on a plane back to New York."

"I can't remember our last kiss."

She said as tears welled in her eyes.

Derek thought about it for a moment and then looked at Meredith with a smile.

"I was running late for surgery. You said you were going to see me later. You were wearing that Dartmouth tee-shirt and your hair smelled like some kind of flower. And you leaned to me, and put your hand on my chest, and you kissed me."

Meredith smiled as the memory came back to her.

"Lavender. My hair smelled like lavender."

"Lavender." Derek repeated as he headed toward the door.

"I love you, Meredith Grey."

"You told me, it wasn't enough."

"I changed my mind."


End file.
